


Hollow

by CarolineCain



Category: Iron Man - All Media Types, Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Anorexia, Anxiety, Bucky/Steve if you squint, Depression, Eating Disorders, F/M, Friday is a babe, Fuck I forgot Sam, He might come in later, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Not A Fix-It, Omg I fucked up, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Tony-centric, i cant leave spidey out he's my baby, idk i feel like there arent many fics which centre around an eating disorder for tony, more just him being slack at remembering to eat, not really any relationships other than past pepper/tony, orthorexia, thor isnt here because i cant write him sorry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-28
Updated: 2017-04-04
Packaged: 2018-09-27 12:05:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10020044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CarolineCain/pseuds/CarolineCain
Summary: The Avengers are all back living together in the compound, the accords are amended and signed and everything should be back to normal. But with Tony on forced leave he learns that there are other ways to feel strong than punching things. But when it goes to far the team is forced to step in, whether they want to or not.*2/09/18 - Previously abandoned, currently editing and writing segments but unsure when it will be updated*





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi all!
> 
> This fic is post CACW, Rhodey's legs got royally fucked up but are kind of better, Pietro is still very dead, The Accords are signed, Shield is all good, no established romantic relationships except maybe between Bucky and Steve but even then its weird.

 

CHAPTER 1

 

Tony sharply inhaled, desperately clinging to the rail on the bathroom wall to steady himself as he waited for the dizziness to pass. The rail had been installed next to all bathrooms in the tower shortly after Rhodey's 'accident' at the airport to help him use the bathroom independently, and although he no longer needed them due to the metal braces Tony developed, he had never quite gotten around to removing them now that he was back on duty as War Machine-slash-Iron Patriot under the US military. At this point he was using them more than Rhodey ever did, having to retreat to the bathroom frequently throughout the day to wait out his dizzy spells. He implied to the others living in the tower, all the Avengers minus Thor, that he was experiencing some 'digestion issues' and had to visit the toilet frequently, faking embarrassment to avoid suspicion or further questioning.

Once he had regained his bearings, Tony cautiously peeked out of the doorway, and on confirming it was clear he quickly dashed to the elevator, breathing a sigh of relief when the doors closed. Avoiding the team was an exhausting but necessary measure if he wanted to avoid any questions about his appearance and his health, something which he couldn't risk them interfering in. he had already endured Natasha's piercing stare on the rare occasion he joined the team for dinner, her critical gaze landing first on his almost empty plate before traveling up to his prominent collarbones and cheekbones, her expression sharpening by the second. He was forced to consume all food on his plate that night to escape her attention, causing him to break his usual rule of no purging, the heavy feeling of the food weighing him down in a way he just couldn’t stand. Since then he avoided eating with the team at all costs, citing his workload for SI as the reason why he spent almost 24/7 in his lab. His lab was his safe space, free of all food, drinks other than water and anything else would make him weak.

 

It all began with him giving up alcohol.

He never thought he could do it, and to be honest he expected to give in quickly. He impulsively decided to go cold turkey after Rhodey’s accident, feeling terrible for destroying his own body while Rhodey was imprisoned by his because of he wasn’t strong enough to protect him. With him being stuck on forced temporary leave from all Avengers missions after the events in Siberia, he threw himself into his work in an effort distract himself from the guilt, the braces being a desperate attempt at atoning for his mistakes even though he knew he never could. But when he realised he had gone a month without a drop, he felt a wave of euphoria like no other he had ever experienced. He felt stronger than ever and vowed to clean up his whole diet, gradually eliminating foods from his diet until he didn’t allow himself any sugars, meats, gluten, and any processed foods. Each time he eliminated another type of food group he would feel a certain ‘pure’ feeling paired with elation due to him being ‘clean’ again. But soon that stopped being enough and he started restricting the amount of food he consumed, not just the type.

He felt a strange pleasure at seeing his figure shrink over time, his weight acting merely as proof that he was becoming more efficient and his will stronger. He briefly considered increasing the amount he ate when his monthly health check-up conducted by Friday showed that his weight had dropped far bellow his recommended bmi, a clear inescapable message that something was wrong, but he decided he couldn’t go back to how he was before, weak and helpless against his impulses. He decided he was determined enough to endure the dizzy spells and headaches and weak body if it meant he could have a strong mind, stronger than his weak, desire driven mind.

To be honest, he expected the team to at least try to get him to sleep or eat occasionally when he started his self-imposed exile, but other than the rare snarky comment by Clint suggesting that he was getting lanky and grumpy in his old age he rarely spoke to the team. While him and Steve had agreed to settle their differences for the good of the Avengers, they had barely spoke since he acted as a mediator to facilitate negotiations to the Sokovia Accords, their last words being a thankyou from Tony after Steve finally signed. Bucky kept his distance, his blank stare burning holes into Tony's back whenever he wasn’t looking. As for Clint, the only words he spoke to him were the occasional insult or snarky comment. Bruce spent most of his time in his personal lab that Tony had installed for him, mostly communicating through email to discuss data. Vision was preoccupied with Wanda, fascinated by her, her magic and pretty much everything else on this planet. Only Natasha's communication was limited to her constant stares, rarely speaking but saying so much more just by glaring at various intensities. Out of all the Avengers she seemed to be the only one who was aware of his 'issues', but didn’t seem to really care. The spider kid seemed to sense something was up whenever he had a spare day to come and help Tony out with some upgrades for the team but never mentioned anything which was fine by him. Tony was happy being left alone, filling his time with SI projects and Avenger’s upgrades. His initial anger at being forced out of active duty in the Avengers had faded through time, as he realised his body probably couldn’t take it without him having to consume more food. No one had invited him back on missions and he hadn’t asked.

It was better this way.

 

As he quickly inputted the passcode into the keypad and stumbled through the door, he couldn’t help but wonder what the team was off doing. He glanced at the suit stationed on a work bench at the far back right corner of the room, inn the same spot it had been for months now, abandoned mid-upgrade. It’s not like he needed it anymore anyway.

He ordered Friday to lock down his lab before making his way to his current project, a new and improved bow for Clint that could store several lightweight arrows even when compacted. He was about to start work when he suddenly was hit with another intense dizzy spell, but this time leaning on the corner of a work bench did nothing to ease it. He struggled to keep upright when he felt his arm give out, consciousness leaving his body before his head hit the ground.


	2. How do you like them apples?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony just wants an apple but life is hard and feelings are soft.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter! It's a miracle!  
> I have an exam tomorrow so instead of studying I decided to write this. This is why my life is a dumpster fire.

 

CHAPTER 2

Tony felt himself reluctantly start to regain consciousness, the hard floor cold against his back. His head was throbbing painfully where it had presumably hit the floor, a lump already starting to form. As he opened his eyes he heard a voice coming closer to the entrance of his lab, the door opening automatically to let the person through.

“Damn it Friday, there better be a good reason you called me up here, If Stark wants to drink himself into oblivion until he passes out it’s not my problem”

Tony turned his head and saw Clint’s feet coming toward him at a leisurely pace, suddenly halting when he came to where Tony was laying on the floor. He sighed, nudging Tony’s shoulder with his foot.

“Drank too much again Stark? I know you’re not on duty anymore but that’s no excuse to spend all your time passed out wasted. Don’t think we all don’t know why you spend so much time up here.” Clint looked down on him in contempt, a smirk on his face as he continued to nudge him with the tip of his shoe.

Tony groaned and started to pull himself up, his muscles protesting as he used the edge of his desk to leverage himself off the ground while Clint watched.

“Friday, I thought I told you to put the lab into lockdown?” Tony questioned. “Why the hell did you let anyone in?”

“Sorry Boss” The AI replied. “You programmed me to seek out an avenger to assist in the case of any threats to your health arising. Agent Barton was the closest to your current location therefore I alerted him to your condition.”

Tony sighed. “Remind me to clarify those settings later Fri.” He turned back to Clint. “Well Katniss, Friday here was just over-reacting, you can go back to shooting apples off heads or whatever it is you do.” He turned away while waving his hand in clear dismissal, walking over to his mini fridge to grab a bottle of water.

“Seriously Stark? You go straight back for another drink? Unbelievable” Clint shook his head in disgust at him, muttering to himself as his left the lab.

Tony waited until he was out of sight to order Friday to lock back down the lab, making sure to change protocol to keep everyone but Rhodey out under all circumstances. He didn’t need Clint intruding into his personal space again. Once that was done he collapsed into his chair, falling asleep within minutes.

 

*******

 

Tony was woken up a few hours later by the voice of Friday. “Boss, you have a meeting with Mr Peter Parker in an hour to go over upgrades and repairs to his suit, it would be advisable for you to take care of your health and hygiene needs before then.” Tony groggily opened his eyes, silently debating whether he had to get up. With a groan, he reluctantly pulled himself out of his chair, taking a moment to regain his balance, trying to ignore the painful lump on the back of his head where he had hit the ground. He shuffled over to the bathroom, took care of the pressing feeling in his bladder and lazily dragged himself into the shower, ensuring that the water was only lukewarm. He had learnt long ago that sudden changes in temperature did not do great things for his already dangerously low blood pressure, and he didn’t want to pass out in the shower again and wake up disorientated with water coming down onto his face. The flashback it triggered of being waterboarded while held captive in Afghanistan was terrifying and it took him nearly an hour to drag himself out.

As he got out and started drying off his body he ensured he avoided looking in the mirror. He tried to remember when he had last eaten. _Maybe Wednesday? If the spider kid is coming today, it’s probably Saturday so Wednesday sounds about right. I think I ate a banana?_ He knew he would have to eat something today if he wanted any chance of staying upright, so he dressed in loose trousers with a well-loved sweater, ensuring he wore a thermal long sleeved shirt underneath to try and ease the constant chill that had seemingly settled into his body.

He got into the elevator and asked Friday to take him to the kitchen, mentally planning his options. He didn’t want to stick around and risk running into anyone, so he could grab an apple (95) or banana (105), maybe even a nut bar (definitely not ones with brazil nuts though, 33 calories for a single nut was insane) and take it to go before anyone came. Maybe he could even grab some more coffee beans from the storage cupboard for the machine in his lab, he practically survived off the stuff and his supply was running dangerously low.

His internal debate was interrupted by the gentle chime of the elevator, the doors opening to reveal the whole team minus Vision and Wanda in the kitchen talking animatedly. His heart started beating rapidly and he was about to retreat to his lab when Natasha’s eyes caught his, trapping him in her gaze. She assessed him coolly. “What a surprise Stark, why don’t you join us? We’ve even managed to get Bruce out of his lab for once.”

Tony frantically tried to come up with an excuse. “Uhhhh sorry Tash, I have a meeting to get to soon, I just came to grab something to eat on the go.” He hastily picked an apple out of the fruit bowl on the counter and started to retreat into to the elevator, barely holding himself back from running to it.

Clint barked out a laugh. “Hah! What meeting? Like the one between you and a bottle of whisky like earlier this morning? He turned to the rest of the team who were sitting at the table looking confused. “Friday called me into the lab this morning, saying that Stark was currently unconscious and required assistance” He explained. “I get in there thinking there’s been some sort of accident and this idiot is passed out on the floor, probably drunk or something. Didn’t even wait until I left the room before he went to his mini fridge to grab another drink. I told you he couldn’t change.”

Bruce looked at him sadly. “Tony, I thought you finally quit? I know you’re not on duty but that’s no reason to just throw away all your hard work.” Tony felt guilt twist in his gut. He started to explain that he was just tired but Steve interrupted him.

“Tony, as the leader of the Avengers I won’t be able to let you back on duty if you’re going to let yourself go like this. I didn’t want to believe you had fallen back into your old habits but this is too far. What would Howard think of you?”

Tony froze, panic rising in his chest, the thoughts rushing at him. _Too fucking weak, pathetic, can’t even do anything right. No one needs you. Or wants you around. Why don’t you do everyone a favour and fuck off? All you do is ruin everything_.  

He was about to make a run for it when Friday interrupted. “Boss, sorry to interrupt but your 11am appointment is waiting for you in meeting room 3B.” Tony breathed in relief, thankful for the distraction.

“Sorry guys, I would love to continue this _fascinating_ conversation but I have a meeting to get to” he said, pointedly looking at Clint. He near ran into the elevator before any of them could get a word out, ordering Friday to close the doors as soon as he got into the elevator. The last thing he saw was Bucky peering from behind Steve, his quizzical but intense gaze piercing into Tony’s as the doors shut.

He let out a sigh of relief as he leaned back onto the wall of the elevator, letting his back slide down against it until he was sitting on the floor with his knees pressed against his chest. He took a hesitant bite of the apple and chewed slowly, trying to calm himself and control his rapid breathing.

He sat like that for approximately 20 minutes, the time it took him to finish the apple. He then slowly stood up and took a deep breath, feeling much calmer.

“Okay Fri, take me to the spider kid. I have work to do.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Feel free to leave any kudos or feedback or comments, they give me life which I could always do with more of.


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